None of the problems mentioned are unique to online relationships. It may be easier to assume a persona in the online world, but it can and is done offline as well.

I have several good friends via online gaming. I first got to know my then-future wife via a bulletin board, though we didn’t start dating until we met in real life.

I know of several other couples with a similar story. Some who met in an MMO, in fact. The key to their success is, I think, integrity, and an early exchange of photographs. They didn’t pretend to be someone else. And there was a recognition that one needed to know what somebody really looked like before a lot was invested in the relationship.

I work online, go to school online, game online, do most of my shopping online, as my real life consists of (now) 5 children, and my everyday is filled with baseball camps, games, playoffs, lessons etc etc.

I have had 2 relationships online, one failed miserably, we met in a game, had a lot in common, he was about 9hours from me, came to meet, and when we did, i went

EGADS, he is WAY too short for me, no we had never discussed it, as I never thought it would be an issue.
Seems superficial, but he found things with me that he found less attractive ( I wasn’t my online gaming character)
I had another one that was very good, no it didn’t work out, but we are very good friends, and talk daily still to this day.
I have a group of girlfriends that we all met in a game in Yahoo, we have all gone to weddings together, we exchange x mas gifts and b- day gifts. I consider them closer friends to my ones in RL, granted they are few, as 5 kids does tend to put a damper on the social life
But I don’t disregard any of my friendships online as anything less then my ones not virtual.
I have even entrusted one of my virtual friends with an overseas bank account for me, for a rainy day.

Additionally comparing peoples persona in the real world and in a game can both equally be decieving. Yes the person you are talking to online may not be who they say they are… but you may very well run into the same situation at a bar, or church, or even the workplace. Most people in social situations wear masks and as a result forming friendships in real life and in a game or online community takes time.

You go to a store and say hello to the clerk and they smile back. Ask how eachother is doing and typically respond with fine or good (regardless if that isn’t the case). Say have a good day, smile and leave. Did you form a friendship? Is that any more or less real then joining some random person to kill a quest mob then disbanding the group after?

I would say most friendships you form online aren’t 100% true, but then I would say the same thing for real life.

Living a lie isn’t a good way to live. You can live a lie in a game just as easily as you can in RL. Hopefully everyone out there has someone they can turn to in a time of need… whether that person is offline or online.

And PSEUDO-anonymity is the point. If someone in WoW or SL cheated me out of few dollars well, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But if I chose to trust them and they cheated me out of enough to warrent jailtime or a lawsuit I would find them easily. Or rather my lawyer would.

People go into virtual worlds for amusement and entertainment as well as for larceny, this is true. But in-person knowledge is never a deterrent to a criminal, only to a basically honest person who has a moment of temptation to be dishonest. What your argument implies is that being pseudo-anonymous will increase an honest person’s temptation to be dishonest. I can’t quote statistics, so I can’t refute you; but I don’t believe it.

My orginal point is that people online as avatars are still themselves, honest or not, but assuming that the lack of “goods” (which is what that teacher said, “get the goods on them first - either openly or secretively”) makes someone automatically suspect is erroneous.

And, to stay on topic, makes them no less of a valued friend or companion.

You put forth a very compelling and fascinating point of view. I don’t necessarily disagree with it but I would like to counter something you said.

“…there is NO good reason not to accept the persona at face value…”

Actually, there is a rather compelling reason not to accept someone’s persona at face value - lack of consequences. There are very few, if any, consequences in the virtual world for breaking the ‘law’. For example, if someone in WoW or Second Life or whatever took payment for something but didn’t deliver, what would happen? You could certainly complain to the developers (who would do nothing) or launch a smear campaign against the individual but ultimately nothing of actual consequence is going to occur. However, in the real world, that person could end up in jail… a huge deterrent. Thus, you can - with a reasonable degree of certainty - trust people in the real world more than the virtual one.

If, however, the people present themselves as they truly are, then any relationship is a real one, even if the only interaction is actually online.

FWIW, playing online with my IRL friends is a way of increasing the IRL relationship as well — it allows us to “hang out” more often but without needing to hire babysitters, travel time is eliminated, cost of dinner/drinks/movie/admission is eliminated thus enabling the “more often” part as well. Beyond whatever other commanalities we have that make us friends in the 1st place, we also have the shared experience(s) in the online world as well.

Win-win, methinks.