MMORPGs Are A Lot Like Women
They drive men crazy. They infuriate and infatuate us. They make us feel the heights of pleasure and desire and take us to depths of despair and jealousy. Yes, MMORPGs are a lot like women.
Sexist and chauvinistic, I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.
EQ is your mother. She raised you and weened you, instilling you with concepts and morals. Although you’ve flown the coop now and moved on with your life to explore the great world that awaits, she will always remain close to your heart and the first woman you ever loved. Sometimes though, just sometimes, you’re filled with strange Freudian urges towards her.
Star Wars: Galaxies
You had a crush on his girl in high school for years, always hoping that one day you could hook up together. Eventually that day came and it was the most highly anticipated night of your life. Clumsy, fiddly, and awkward, it wasn’t quite what you expected but you enjoyed it none-the-less. After a brief romance, you both called it off for a while but with every intention of rekindling the affair in the near future. However, the next time you met her, you discovered she’d had a hideous face transplant.
Age of Conan
The sultry temptress you met whilst on a drinking binge in Mexico. Passionate, fiery and beautiful, she showed you delights you’d never thought of before. However, after a hot and steamy holiday romance, you discovered that you both had absolutely nothing in common and conversation was as dry and dull as an African riverbed. You soon returned home, only ever occasionally wondering ‘what if’.
Eve is the smart, intelligent, plain looking girl who works in the library. You never fancied her before but all of your friends told you she was capable of the most rewarding relationship ever possible and completely uncompromising in bed to boot. Difficult to woe, impossible to understand yet appealing in every way, this girl is a puzzle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma. One day, maybe one day, you hope to tame the savage beast that is her heart.
World of Warcraft
World of Warcraft is your wife. Maybe not the hottest woman in the land but she’s perfect to you in every way and fulfills your every need. Loyal, loving and caring, you couldn’t ask for a better companion and you know you should feel blessed. Yet still, every once in a while, you find yourself lying awake at night, fantasising over the buxom 19 year old cheerleader you saw the other day.