We Fly Spitfires – MMORPG Blog

Several years ago when Everquest was in its prime, there was a big craze of giving your avatar a comedy name. Y’know, something witty so all of your mates could have a chuckle – roleplaying was definitely at the bottom of the list whilst being funny was at the top. Maybe it’s just the games I play now or the servers I play on but the fad seems to have dissipated a lot in recent years… either that or devs are cracking down on it a lot more.

Some of the most memorable comedy names I saw in Everquest include two Ogres called “Devon Duddley” and “Buhbuhray Duddley” (aka the Duddley Boys from the WWF), “David Schwimmer” (I have no idea how the player got the name David past the censors) and my all time favourite, “Burt Reynolds”. However, perhaps the most renowned EQ character name has to be “Master Bates”, Bates being the first name and Master an awarded title. Hilarious stuff. In Everquest 2 I even encountered two players on Nagafen, the PvP server, called “Starskey” and “Hutch”.

I’m guilty of having a few comedy names myself, I have to admit. I had an Ogre Berserker on Stromm, Everquest, called “Crushinator” after the Futurama cartoon. My excuse was that it was kinda fitting for my character. Lame, I know. On Everquest 2, I also had an Ogre Shadowknight called “Vanilla Gorilla”. My excuse for that was just that it sounded cool

I’m glad that developers censor real world names in MMORPGs because it’s slightly jarring to be on a magnificent quest, slaying a bunch of rampaging Orcs in order to save a village and then suddenly bump into a Wood Elf called “J’Lo”. Still, sometimes it’s nice to have a laugh.

Anyone got any comedy names they’ve seen (or had) in MMOs they want to share?

I get the occasional email from readers and yesterday I received one from someone called Ben telling me to check out a video on YouTube about the World of Warcraft minis game. I’m assuming he was Ben Gonyo, the creator of the movie, but he didn’t tell me his surname so I can’t be sure. The YouTube video had a link to Gamers Film, a website promoting a “humorous documentary film exploring the obsessed fan base of MMORPG games like World of Warcraft”. I watched the trailer on the site and it’s looks pretty interesting and funny.

Until I got the email I had no idea that a WoW minis game even existed although I wasn’t surprised to find out considering it’s got it’s own CCG too. Curiously enough though, my wife also mentioned the game to me today completely out of the blue as she’d seen the game being sold in a big craft shop and thought it was funny how it was being marketed to adults (she has absolutely no understanding of why grown men like computer games and toys – bless). I’m not sure if the game just had a big release or something – although I loved CCGs when I was younger and was hugely into them a few years ago, I’ve never had any interest in miniature games, part of the reason being that I think the paint jobs on them look rubbish.

Anyway, enough of my yacking, here’s that WoW minis video:

If you’ve played the minis game, let me know what it’s like. I’m curious to hear more about it.

Out of any MMORPG I’ve ever played, World of Warcraft definitely had the clearest goal for me when I first started playing it: Titan’s Grip. As soon as I read about Patch 3.0.2, I was intrigued and excited. The idea of dual wielding two-handed swords was exceedingly appealing to me in terms of gameplay and roleplay. Suffice to say it was so appealing, I gave up on Warhammer Online and started playing WoW instead.

Usually I continually try out new alts until I find one that fits and then make it my main. This was the case with Everquest, Everquest 2 and every other MMORPG I played for a long period of time but with WoW I started a Warrior and he’s still my highest level character to date. I also played him solidly until the mid 60s before I made my first alt. Considering I’m an altaholic, that’s pretty darn good going.

So what have I learnt from that experience? Defining your own goals is a good idea and a neat way of providing a point to your gameplay. Of course, developers are very much aware of this too and have been astutely creating player goals and targets since the very first computer games were invented. Sometimes it’s about getting to the next level, sometimes about completing the game itself and sometimes it’s about unlocking a certain spell or ability. Regardless of what it is, MMORPGs in particular have them in spades and it’s possibly one of the reasons they are so addictive – we constantly need to achieve, never quite able to get a full sense of completion.

Playing (sorry, that’s not the right word – the term embarking on a space odyssey is more appropriate) EVE Online has been a very interesting experience for me. Unlike most other MMORPGs, there are no obvious step-by-step goals. Sure, there are BIG goals like conquering the known galaxy but there isn’t that classic path of goals and achievements to follow. Thus, we’re left to create our own, a somewhat daunting task.

Megathron Ship in EVE Online

My goal in EVE become clear to me when I was browing the EVEWiki yesterday though. It’s big, it’s mean and it’s name sounds a little bit like ‘Megatron’. Cue the drum roll as  I introduce you to the Megathron, battleship extraordinaire. My goal is simple. Obtain one of these bad boys, equip it, learn how to fly it, and bust some balls. It will be mine. Oh yes – it will be mine.

It’s curious. This one simple little goal has increased my enthusiasm towards EVE by ten-fold and I now eagerly spend my time mining ore and training skills to eventually be able to buy and fly the Megathron. Until then, although I was enjoying the game, I didn’t really have much of a direction to my activities or a point to my existence in the game world. But now I do. I want to fly a big ass ship and shoot people down. Plus, it looks awesome. Simple pleasures for simple minds.

So, anyone else have any MMORPG goals (or heck, even real life goals even while we’re at it) they want to share?

The 14 day re-evaluation that Funcom has granted all old players has given me an opportunity to go back and revisit Age of Conan. I haven’t been playing it excessively over the past few days, I’ve just dabbling around with a new character on a roleplaying server, enjoying one of my favourite areas of any MMORPG ever, Tortage (pronounced Tor-ta-ge with a strong French accent in case anyone was uncertain).

Bringing handlebar moustaches to Hyboria

The draw of the Jewel of the Barachan Isles was so great that I passed up the opportunity to start a pre-made level 50 character. I suppose that’s either another testament to how good an experience Tortage is or just how poor the rest of the game is. I love melee classes and, seeing how AoC is particularly focused on them, I decided to roll a Guardian. Not just any Guardian mind, but one of my usual fat, old, bald men. And hot damn, does that man look sexy in DX10. The way the sweat glistens of his bald head is infatuating and the way his plump love handles jiggle when he runs is downright hypnotic.

But it’s not just the graphics that I’m enjoying again with Conan, it’s also the combat. Fast, furious and bloody as hell it’s so refreshing after a long stint on World of Warcraft. Even though I’ve seen it dozens of times, I still get a shock of sick pleasure out of seeing my avatar lop my enemies head clean off.

Of course, Tortage would be nothing without the other major elements that comprise it: an interesting storyline, an immersive and original setting, breathtaking scenery and environments, beautiful music and well spoken dialouge, and an excellent mix of solo gameplay and group areas and dungeons. It’s a perfectly crafted blend of all the factors that make MMORPGs great. Want to progress your own personal story? No problem, the night awaits. Want to adventure with your friends into a dungeon? There’s that too. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Funcom spent just as long on Tortage as they did on the rest of the game combined.

As much as I’m enjoying Tortage again though, I haven’t made my mind up if I’ll be returning to Hyboria full time once my free period ends. I still have a huge number of issues with the game that don’t appear to be rectified yet (or may never be as they are too intrinsic to the core gameplay) and I’m not convinced it has the depth I need. An expansion will definitely be helpful for AoC and I’m looking forward to seeing what they come up with.

So while it may not be perfect, and it may not be our long lost love, at least we will always be able to look back upon the the sultry temptress that is Age of Conan and remember that at least we had (cue heavy French accent)… Tortage!

They drive men crazy. They infuriate and infatuate us. They make us feel the heights of pleasure and desire and take us to depths of despair and jealousy. Yes, MMORPGs are a lot like women.

Sexist and chauvinistic, I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

Everquest

EQ is your mother. She raised you and weened you, instilling you with concepts and morals. Although you’ve flown the coop now and moved on with your life to explore the great world that awaits, she will always remain close to your heart and the first woman you ever loved. Sometimes though, just sometimes, you’re filled with strange Freudian urges towards her.

Star Wars: Galaxies

You had a crush on his girl in high school for years, always hoping that one day you could hook up together. Eventually that day came and it was the most highly anticipated night of your life. Clumsy, fiddly, and awkward, it wasn’t quite what you expected but you enjoyed it none-the-less. After a brief romance, you both called it off for a while but with every intention of rekindling the affair in the near future. However, the next time you met her, you discovered she’d had a hideous face transplant.

Age of Conan

The sultry temptress you met whilst on a drinking binge in Mexico. Passionate, fiery and beautiful, she showed you delights you’d never thought of before. However, after a hot and steamy holiday romance, you discovered that you both had absolutely nothing in common and conversation was as dry and dull as an African riverbed. You soon returned home, only ever occasionally wondering ‘what if’.

EVE Online

Eve is the smart, intelligent, plain looking girl who works in the library. You never fancied her before but all of your friends told you she was capable of the most rewarding relationship ever possible and completely uncompromising in bed to boot. Difficult to woe, impossible to understand yet appealing in every way, this girl is a puzzle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma. One day, maybe one day, you hope to tame the savage beast that is her heart.

World of Warcraft

World of Warcraft is your wife. Maybe not the hottest woman in the land but she’s perfect to you in every way and fulfills your every need. Loyal, loving and caring, you couldn’t ask for a better companion and you know you should feel blessed. Yet still, every once in a while, you find yourself lying awake at night, fantasising over the buxom 19 year old cheerleader you saw the other day.

I’ve tried most of the mainstream MMORPGs that come out but there’s a been a few recently that I just haven’t been able to get into for one reason or other. The ironic thing though is that I really want to like them because their concepts appeal to me greatly in some way but, for whatever reasons, I’ve never been able to get fully immersed into the game for a long period of time. Thinking about it in more detail, it may be because I haven’t given the game a fair chance or it’s flawed in the fashion I require to enjoy it.

Here are the MMOs I really want to like but haven’t been able to.

Age of Conan

I was quite excited about Conan for a long time and when I played the beta and it up’ed my hype factor by another ten degrees. AoC was one of the major contributing reasons why I upgraded my PC last year, I was that into it all. I know graphics don’t maketh the game but I love the visuals and the whole feel and environment of the game. It honestly feels like playing in Conan’s world and, maybe I’m just a big kid, but the visceral nature of the play style makes me giddy. I also stand by the believe that Tortage is one of the best contained experiences (in terms of storyline, immersion, enjoyment, you name it) in any MMORPG ever.

The problem with AoC though is that it lacks depth. Once you get out of Tortage and gain a few levels you feel like you’re playing in a barren, pointless, poorly thought out world. There isn’t much wrong with the mechanics of the game per se, it’s just that the world hasn’t been created to feel like a true virtual life. It’s hard to verbalised but I’m sure people who’ve played Conan will know what I’m talking about.

I honestly believe Age of Conan will become a great game one day, Funcom just need to survive long enough to release a huge expansion with some major content and new play areas from 20+. Maybe then I’ll go back to it for an extended period of time.

Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning

WAR was one of those games that I wasn’t very bothered about until August last year and then I suddenly got sucked into the hype of it all. Plus, most of my old guild from Everquest 2 were moving over so we were all looking forward to playing together again and taking part in some casual PvE and full-on PvP.

My big issue with WAR is that the game feels soulless – the world feels like a tiered computer game, not a vibrant online culture. I hate the travel mechanics in WAR and I hate the zoning. Both are badly implemented and don’t give you any sense of immersion. Add onto that the fact that leveling up is extremely slow and the quests are reptitive grinds and don’t exactly have a fun experience. It’s odd because after I left WAR, I started playing World of Warcraft and found that it offered everything I was looking for. When I logged into WoW for the first time I actually felt like I was existing in a large, dynamic virtual world.

I want to go back to WAR one day because I love the idea of RVR and I miss Dark Age of Camelot. I’m sure WAR will improve in time once Mythic get their priorities straightened out.

Lord of the Rings Online

I played LotRO briefly but never got into it. Everyone talks about how beautiful the game is but I find the character models ugly as hell and the UI very difficult to use and totally not in-keeping with the style of the game. I’d also love to play an Uruk-hai as I find the race restrictions kinda dull but alas I don’t think we’ll see that happening any time soon.

Still, I continually hear a lot of great things about LotRO like how good the questing and grouping are and that definitely attracts me to the game. I don’t feel like I’ve given it a fair chance yet so I plan on resubscribing one day and giving it a thorough shot.

Ever since I watched the documentary Another Perfect World I’ve been curious about EVE Online. Maybe I’m just extremely impressionable but they made it sound very cool. I love the idea of sandbox MMORPGs and virtual worlds and, unless you count the original Star Wars: Galaxies (that was a sandbox game right?), I’ve never played one before. Something about the absolute freedom you get and the ability to take part in huge interstellar wars appeals to me greatly.

I downloaded the 14 day trial of EVE Online just over two weeks ago and have been playing around with it slowly and steadily. My trial ran out yesterday so I decided to subscribe and continue to play as I felt that I hadn’t finished with it yet or even scratched the surface of what it had to offer. EVE is a hugely complex game and, even after toying with it on and off for two weeks, I still haven’t really gotten to grips with it all. But I’m getting there.

The vastness and complexity of the game is in many ways extremely scary and yet, in others, very appealing. It’s kinda refreshing to log into a MMORPG for the first time and have utterly no idea what’s going on or what anything means. It makes a change from me usually picking up and running with a MMO within moments.

EVE also seems to offer something of a casual playstyle (although maybe I’m just not hooked enough yet) but the idea of everything being skill based, as oppossed to levels, takes away that itch to try and level up as fast as possible. Skills are also trained in real time and queued up so I can go to work and know that my character in EVE is still slowly progressing up. Very cool.

I’ve still got a long way to go. I haven’t even joined a corporation yet and only just purchased my third ship, plus I’m terrified to go anywhere as I’m also still constantly trying to work things out. We’ll see how it goes though. I’m glad I’ve subscribed because I’m feeling like a bit of a MMORPG nomad at the moment and this will distract me with something for the time being. Plus everyone keeps hammering one about how amazing the game is so there must be some truth to it.

If you play EVE and want to look me up then my character’s name is ‘Mantooth Jones’. Otherwise if you have any tips or advice, please share them with me! I need all of the help I can get right now