The Man Who Would Be King Of EVE Online

Last weekend I watched The Man Who Would Be King over at a friend’s house. In case you’re not familiar with it, it’s a film set in the time when Britain still ruled India about two ex-soldier scoundrels who decide to venture into Kafiristan, seeking gold and glory and the opportunity to make themselves kings. It’s a damn fine film, highly recommended – and I’m not just saying that because it stars The King of Scotland, Sir Sean Connery.

The Man Who Would Be King

The Man Who Would Be King

During the film, we starting discussing how great the British Colonial era was (y’know, so long as you were rich and white) and how there seemed to be more opportunity for adventure than there is now. Although The Man Who Would Be King is fictional, the book it’s based on was inspired by real life events and people. I can’t quite imagine anything like that happening today and there’s something about the freedom of the past that appeals to the (latent) adventurer in me. If only we were able to still able to undertake such amazing adventures and hi-jinks today…

And thus, an idea was born.

My friend and I will plan to save up enough money to be able to quite our jobs and live comfortably for at least three months. Once said funds are accrued, we will resign from our work and hand notice in on our apartments, finding a completely new, small apartment with a high-speed Internet connection that we can both live in together. We will shun all contact with the outside world and abstain from both drink and women. We will then purchase and create two completely new accounts in EVE Online and create the characters ‘Daniel Dravet’ (me) and ‘Peachey Carnehan’ (him).

Our objective? To become Kings of EVE Online.

We would start small, befriend some naive players, join a corporation each and slowly work our ways up the ranks, eventually gaining the attention of our leaders. Then, once we are loyal lieutenants,we would offer to lead the armies into wars against their enemies, slowly destroying our opponents and building the trust and respect of our comrades. Eventually we would strike, like cobras from the mist, and subvert our leaders to gain control of our corporations and join them together into one gigantic sovereignty, spanning the entire galaxy. We will be the rulers of all that we survey.

Obviously the plan’s not 100% perfect but I think it’s pretty foolproof. Now, I just need to tell my wife…

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  1. Magson says:

    Your final line is the best one of all!

    Hope your wife is *very* understanding ;-)

  2. Gremrod says:

    Have fun storming the castle! LOL

  3. Longasc says:

    I hereby declare myself Kaiser Neo-Wilhelm the 2009th, and challenge your claim to the throne.

    *Goes back to producing Marauder class battleships*

  4. Stabs says:

    Why don’t you wait until the “abstain from women” part of the plan before you tell her because then you won’t have to.

  5. Walter says:

    That’s a big mission! Although I don’t know how you will explain it to your wife. :-)

  6. How about you take a more modest plan of keeping job and wife and just playing Eve like a normal person? I’d be glad to get you into my corp in 0.0 and show you all the tricks. Running Empire in Eve = hard. Having Fun with a good group of guys = easy. :)

  7. Tipa says:

    Never happen. In EVE, EVERY new character is assumed to be a spy or a traitor until proven otherwise. Even in our casual player corp, there’s at least one person we suspect as a spy.

    Now, if you bought some older characters with good histories, you might have a shot at it. But if all you can fly are cardboard ships that shoot packing peanuts at folks, you’re probably not going to be effective as a fleet leader. Assuming you trained the fleet command skills :)

  8. Derek says:

    Excellent Movie I must say.

    As a means to support your loaftly plans I wish to put forward what I see as a few flaws to your otherwise good plan.
    1) I do not think you have alloted suggificant time, three months leaves very little flexablity and room for error is almost nil.
    Recommend:add at least another month, gives room for errors like getting drunk online and blabbing someone outside of your power circle about your plans.
    2) Tell your wife, massive error here and a show stopper.
    Recommend: Don’t tell wife till after you come back telling her you were kidnapped by aliens or some such blather.
    3) “join them together into one gigantic sovereignty” Thrones of Power (like Rings) are not shared. What do you plan to do with your “friend” after you have taken control.
    Recommend: Assume that he has already laid out plans to take control. Strike first, plan to sabotage his computer with a remote device or if he has a significant other drop a line informing said person of your now revials whereabouts and doings for the past few months.

    I hope these few pointers and recommendations help you on your way to galactic Domination. “ALL HAIL OUR NEW ANT OVERLORDS!!”

    Yeezrat Ironrock – Warhammer

    • Gordon says:

      1. Good point. Maybe I should just be realistic though and make it 6 months? No point trying to rush things!

      2. Excellent idea! :)

      3. Hmm, yeah I was thinking about this and I like your recommendation. Definitely will become a case of who will strike first to gain absolute control :)

      Thanks for the encouragement!

  9. Hurricane says:

    Umm considering EVE has a real-time based skill training system you would have to spend over 2 years training skills in real time just to have enough skills and access to technology to even considering becoming King of EVE.

    # months will barely get you into a battleship with low end technology.

    Let’s not forget the huge expanses of player controlled space territory you will have to conquer. Territory filled with thousands of player who are either working in corporations and forming alliances and ouright pirates and raiders looking to jump on any target of opportunity.

    Yeah good luck in those three months; if you can play for 12 hours straight without crashing and getting kicked off the server for lagg/bugs.

  10. Oliver Rogers says:

    Can you do barrel rolls in EVE?

  11. Mark Klein says:

    What happens when the leaders you’re trying to get close to google your username and find this post telling them that you plan on subverting their corp..

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