Comments on: Do You Get Spouse Aggro?

By: Gordon

Gordon — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 22:42:10 +0000

Thanks for your very powerful and poignant comment, Rose. I was very moved and affected by it – I want to write a proper full article about gaming addiction and hopefully address some of the concerns you’ve raised or, at least, find other people who can. I have some friends who have suffered from the same thing and it can be a very big problem.

Unfortunately I’m not qualified to diagnose and help your husband but it does indeed sound like he as a real problem and all I could suggest is that he tries to seek some professional help to get the root of the problem. For instance, I’ve been for cognitive therapy and the likes before (for other issues, not addiction) and it’s helped me tremendously. Don’t underestimate the power of psychiatric help, it might just do the trick.

Best of luck.

By: Rose

Rose — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 20:43:31 +0000

Came across this site through a google search.. I am actually the wife, source of the agro, if you will. Before we met, my husband used to play wow every second of the day that he was not at work. Would skip sleeping except for 2 or 3 hours a night, hopped up on dew to stay awake. His friends (the ones he still had) finally convinced him that it wasn’t doing him good, playing that much, and not doing anything out of the house except for work 40 hours a week. He cut back shortly before we met, and even then would turn down dates on monday and thursday nights. I could never figure out why until his best friend coaxed him out on a group date one thursday night and teased him about how difficult it was to get him to skip a raid. He’s since had to quit wow when we came down on some difficult financial times – we both had to cut a few things to be able to pay the electric bill. He still plays a text-based game and on an EQ character his friend just gave to him (paid for the next 6 months), and even now when he’s home i barely have contact with him. He will ignore his homework (he’s ALMOST done with his online bachelors), and doesn’t help me with hardly any chores. He will only do the laundry if I’m not home and he runs out of work clothes. Our dishwasher is broken and I can only do so much by myself – he also doesn’t cook at all. If I don’t feel like it, or if I’m not home, he’ll eat some cereal or lunch meat and ice cream for dinner. I don’t bother to try yelling anymore, that did more harm that good but it was unintentional. He agrees to do anything if I ask nicely, but then never does it. When I go to confront him, he sincerely apologizes for not having done it, but still doesn’t make much of an effort to do it. Honestly, I work 40 hours a week too and try my best to clean, but the house is an absolute disaster. It’s like having a small child who can’t clean up after himself.

Please don’t get me wrong – he is a sweet, kind, loving man and when we’re not at home he’s the ideal husband. But you must understand, I’m at my wits end. I’m almost to the point of giving up, and these are games he’s playing that he doesn’t care about! Our money is back where it should be and he’s been BEGGING to get his wow back. What am I supposed to do? How is he going to act when it’s a game he has a passion for and good friends to play with? I thought maybe I’d get an answer from of his fellow gamers..

By: Galurana

Galurana — Tue, 18 May 2010 00:00:29 +0000

I actually started on the other side of this one. My boyfriend lived with me and played 6 days a week (even when he was working, he’d get home and boot up). I got him one evening a week for 3 hours, it really didn’t work. 2 years after he moved out and our engagement ended, I tried WoW. I figured 2 things; a) I can’t tell him it sucks if I haven’t tried it and b) it was the only way to get more than a few hours a week with him. We were seeing each other again and we started new toons together, but he was running heroics and raid with his friends and I got sick of waiting. So I ground out a resto druid knowing nothing about the game and ended up passing most of his alts.

We raid together now and I’m happier. Not so jealous of the game, but I’ve learned to tease him in game a lot and our guild loves it.

My tip – encourage her to try leveling a toon with you. She’d probably have fun with a mage or priest, and a female at that. Something attractive to her. Giving her gold to play in the barbershop might help too. Sounds silly, but being able to change my toon based on how bored I am of her appearance is fun. Then level a bit together. I’m betting she’ll get curious eventually.

Though, I’m surprised it’s not available in Japanese.

And remember – set aside time every few days to spend the evening with her!

By: Gordon

Gordon — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 16:01:42 +0000

Great advice

By: Naithin

Naithin — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 06:08:20 +0000

You can reduce the wife agro by being present when you’re actually spending time with her. Dinner, time outs from gaming, just whenever you are away from the game and with your S/O, don’t be in a rush to depart back to MMO land. Don’t skimp on assisting with the work to rush back to the game, or in any way make it seem spending time with them is a ‘duty’ rather something you actually /want/ to do.

And then also while playing, go and spend a few minutes here and there talkin’ to your S/O in the downtime that inevitably crops up from time to time, if none is occuring, make an effort to make some. Call an AFK break yourself or just pause before hitting that ‘Queue for Dungeon’ button one more time.

Again, in those times, even if they’re just brief – it’s likely your partner is doing something of her own anyway – don’t make it /seem/ rushed.

Master this and wife agro will rather naturally be reduced!

By: Dead Again: 10 Days to Live « Tish Tosh Tesh

Dead Again: 10 Days to Live « Tish Tosh Tesh — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 13:16:15 +0000

[...] Have fun without drawing wife aggro (another significant problem when you’re trying to get the most out of your waking hours as [...]

By: Gordon

Gordon — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 19:52:01 +0000

Incredibly story. Really happy everything has worked out for you both. I guess sometimes we all just need a wake up call to realise what’s important in our lives. I for one need to make sure I never take my wife for granted and keep her as my number one priority.

By: Gordon

Gordon — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 19:50:06 +0000

ROFL

By: What's my main Again?

What's my main Again? — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 19:23:58 +0000

I nearly lost my wife to playing wow 2 years ago. I quit the same day she moved out. Fought tooth and nail to keep her and she came to realize that I wasn’t lying when I said she was more important than anything else. Course a few months after that she realized that I needed something else to focus on besides her (I was overly affectionate and she is naturally stand offish) so I came back to wow with her blessing.

About 6 months later she started playing wow herself and here we are a year later still playing together. I’m much better about how much time and focus I have on wow compared to what I used to. I was at the point where I was planning out our lives around wow and not the other way around. Once I got my priorities straight the aggro dropped down big time.

Every now and then I start to get the look… but at the point we are both feeling like we need to back off of gaming a bit and just enjoy each other.

By: Bootleg

Bootleg — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 17:56:55 +0000

My wife and I have a system and mutual understanding of my gaming habit. In fact, she’s seen what life is like without my gaming habit and prefers that I play.

The only time I get aggro any more is when she gives me a honey-do, expects it done right now, and I tell her to wait. Even those times are getting farther and farther between. She’s gotten more understanding that I have other people counting on me and can’t just pause the game. I’ve gotten better estimating and following through when I say I’m going to do something.