Posts Tagged ‘humour’

It’s All The DPS’ Fault

DPS Chart

Nothing says "bloodthirsty warrior" like number crunching

I was dicking around in WoW again over the weekend and decided to run a couple of PUGs with one of my Warriors. It’s been a while since I’ve done one and, let me tell you, I don’t miss it at all. I mean, I miss the grouping and the tanking and general dungeon crawling, just not the nutsacks that I seem to get landed with on an all-too-frequent occasion. I’m sure there’s some legitimate psychological reason why people behave like monkeys when they’re matched up through the random dungeon finder and not when they’re playing with friends or guild mates but alas I fear I’ll never know of it.

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Cataclysm And Its Virtual Chastity Belt

WoW Cataclysm Box Art

Expect to see this box on the shelves of game stores as soon as 2011

I’ve been getting frustrated with Cataclysm lately. Not with the actual gameplay (because I’m not in the beta and haven’t even tried the darn thing yet) but because I’m being constantly teased with information about it and having it’s pixelated bosom waved in front of my face at every opportunity. It feels like the game is wearing some sort of virtual chastity belt, inviting us to look but not touch. Highly infuriating.

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Mac MMORPGs

Mac vs PC

I consider myself a pretty boy nerd in real life

Macs. I have mixed feelings about them. Sure, they don’t crash, they’re reliable and painless to use and every interaction is an incredibly slick and lubricated experience right from the moment you remortgage your house to buy one. However, they’re also soulless contraptions that rob you of any sense of individuality or accomplishment (I feel like a champion every time I get my PC to successfully boot and love to throw around expressions like “defrag”, “format” and “Blue Screen Of Death”). Also everything is always prefixed with a lower case “i” and that really bugs me. Oh and they don’t run MMOs. At all.

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Time Travelling Feature Discovered In Real ID

Real ID Time Travel

Time travel is only one of my many hobbies

According to this screenshot that my brother sent me, I haven’t logged into World of Warcraft for 41 years. Rather impressive consider neither I nor WoW were around in the 60s.

Dear Blizzard, to discover the perpetrator of this bug simply look for the coder who recently received the entire series of Quantum Leap on DVD and is currently reading any H.G. Wells novel.

-Gordon McFly


Why I’m Scared Of Geeks

Napoleon Dynamite

Defend yourself against crazy geeks with your leet bo staff skills

I’m a cool guy. That’s not bravado or arrogance talking, it’s just a plain ol’ fact. I’ve always been the cool kid, the one that all of the other nerds and dweebs looked up to and even now, in my advancing years, my coolness is intensifying rather than diminishing. The young bloods in my office look up to me like they’re Richie Cunningham and I’m the Fonz, waiting with baited breath for me to knock the SVN sever with my fist to get it started in the mornings. I was even the cool kid on my Computing course at University and the rest of the geeks used to tell of the legend about how once a real life girl actually talked to me. I suppose I can’t help it, I’m just that cool, definitely more Kirk than Picard.

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The Best Of The Rest: Free-To-Read Edition

Following the current trend of MMORPGs, this blog has now become Free-To-Read. Current subscribers will be promoted to VIP status and receive a free photo once a month of me in my underwear to print out and stick on their wall or exchange as a form of currency with other blogs participating in the F2R scheme. For a small fee, Premium Readers will be able to view the entire contents of my blog and will receive a photo of me partial dressed in different apparel every month (bet you can’t wait for ‘Navy Month’ eh?). Free Readers will receive obscure, out of focus shots of myself and will only be able to view the first 200 words of every blog post. Some will probably consider that the best deal of all. The fools.

Anyway, enough with my attempts to pursue a career in male modelling. Let’s look at the best of the web from the last seven days:

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MMO Or Baby?

One day every year sumo wrestlers try to make babies cry. I am not making that up.

One day every year sumo wrestlers try to make babies cry. I am not making that up.

You probably don’t know this but my brother, MMO muse and WoW noob king, became a father for the second time in April (gz, gj, woot etc) and since then his budding MMORPG career has taken a nose dive. He literally went from playing a couple of hours a night to, well, never playing at all. This disturbing fact got me wondering… do I really want kids?

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