Something that people don’t know about me is that I’m kinda like the James Bond of the MMORPG world. I’m smart, sexy, look good in a tuxedo and know how to kill a man with a toothpick. However, instead of sleeping with lots of different women, I sleep with MMOs… and some of them have been so top secret, so well covered up, that you’ve most likely never even heard of them. But that’s all about to change. Behold, a rundown of some top secret MMOs that were never released.
The A-Team MMO was built by the original cast of the A-Team TV show in a matter of hours from odd bits of spare code after they were accidentally locked in the building of a software development company one afternoon. Although a little buggy, this MMORPG saw every player reinact the A-Team experience by becoming a maverick renegade on the run from the law. Classes included “Vietnam Veteran”, “Tough Black Guy With A Single Phobia” and “Utterly Insane Person”. In an ironic twist, the A-Team MMORPG was shut down by the US government before it entered closed beta.
My Little Pony vs Carebears
A brutal and bloody PvP centred MMO, My Little Pony vs Carebears was actually the first MMORPG to feature fatalities, fully voiced swearing and nudity. Classes included “Destroyer Of Life”, “Unicorn of Death”, “Killer Grizzly Bear” and “Mr Cuddles”. Described by one tester as “the sickest, most brutal and disgusting game I’ve ever played – I love it”, My Little Pony vs Carebears was eventually banned in every country in the world due to it’s graphic nature. The developers are rumoured to have later created the Grand Theft Auto and Manhunt games.
Heralded as the first ever “hyper-reality” MMORPG, The Wire took the term sandbox to a whole new level. Based on the popular US TV show of the same name, everything within the game happened in real time and all actions has consequences. Players were required to participate in stakeouts, happening in real time, and lasting anywhere between 12 and 36 hours – logging off at any point could result in the perp going free and the mission failing. Continual failures would ultimate lead to losing your job and been forced to continue playing the game as a Rent-A-Cop. Combat was also a rarity and any time a player shot someone, they would suspended from the force until a full inquiry could be carried out, usually lasting several months. One closed beta player described the game as “boring as hell and utterly shit”.
Arnold Schwarzenegger – The MMORPG
The concept behind Arnold Schwarzenegger – The MMORPG was so radical when it was first conceived that very few people believed it could ever be a success. The game was an amalgamation of every Arnie film ever made and saw all users play as Arnold Schwarzeneggers (customisation options were limited as a result). Class included “The Terminator”, “The Predator”, “The Commando” and the “Pregnant Man” and the game featured the first ever verbal emote system allowing player characters to activate quick one-liners such as “you’re luggage” and “stick around” after killing an enemy. Unfortunately the entire code base for the game was wiped out in a malicious hacking attack just before it was due to enter closed beta. Blizzard, who once described the game as “perfection wrapped in awesomeness and served on the Internet” and a “serious threat to their MMO monopoly” denied any involvement in the attack. CEO, Senior Designer and Chief Programmer, Arnold Schwarzenegger stated that the loss of the game was a huge blow to the future of humanity.
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